Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Another recap of a loss...this time to the Spurs

This is getting depressing. I didn't even recognize any of the names on the Spurs. What happened to David Robinson? I don't know what's wrong with this team. They are just so awesome that this shouldn't be happening. Not in a million years. Other teams must really be gearing up for the Grizz this year because they recognize their greatness, too. I've seen the roster. They still have Rudy Gay. So there's only one thing that could be messing them up and I hate to say it because I don't believe in playing the Blame Game. That always gets me and my wife in an argument and she still won't kiss me on the mouth because of the cat poop/boodle incident. But the blame HAS to fall on...

the fans. That's right, friends. It's us. We are obviously not pulling hard enough for this team. They need us. They're young and frightened and good-looking and athletic and long. They just need us to support them in a way that is conducive to producing a winning team. I know that I'm willing to do anything. ANYTHING to help this team. I just get the feeling that not everyone is like that. Well, get your acts together, friends! And I'm sorry, but the Cat Boodle award goes to US, the fans. Because we're not doing our part. However, the Funnel Cake award goes to the FANS, TOO! Because we get to root for this awesome team and these AMAZINg players! GO US AND GRIZZ!

Sunday, November 23, 2008

grizzly/jazz recap

I just want so much for these young Grizzlies to win that it's almost unbearable when I find out that they didn't. And on Sunday, no less. I can't help but start blaming myself. What could I have done differently during their game to help them somehow? It's hard to say because I don't even know what time they played yesterday. When are NBA games usually played? If I could somehow find that out and go back in time to change what I did, then I'd go WAY back in time. I'd warn the country about Pearl Harbor actually. But then Pearl Harbor with Josh Hartnett and that other guy probably wouldn't have ever been made in this alternate reality. But all those PEOPLE! I wish so much that I didn't have this responsiblitity. I know the right thing to do, but I really love that movie. And the Grizz. How to help both of them? I don't pretend to have the answers, friends. This is what they call a paradox.

Saturday, November 22, 2008



Nothing gets me more excited about getting out to The Pad then the seventh inning running of FEMININE NAPKINS! It used to all fun in games when the runners were shaped as the napkins, but in 1998 when they switched over to one uniform feminine napkin costume, the races really turned for the best. I love fair and unbiased competition from tampons, pads, and adult diapers.

I remember my father and uncle telling me stories of the feminine napkin races of the old. When they would push, squeeze, applicant, unravel, pull on the strings and any other method to soak up a win. I could only imagine how unappealing that would be.

Here is a picture of my favorite napkin racer, Overnight Maxi coming down the stretch right before being soaked in a celebratory shower of dark red wine.

GRIZZ/Mavs Recap

Oh. My. Goodness. The Mavs just have our number, Grizzlie fans. They beat us in the playoffs and didn't allow us one single win. And now they're beating us in the regular season in a purely mean spirited fashion. 91-76? That's uncalled for. They didn't have to do that. Those Grizz are out there trying their HARDEST. CALL OFF THE DOGS, Mavs! You want to embarrass someone? Embarass ME! I can take it. Or better yet, embarras YOURSELVES. Because you SHOULD be embarrassed! So, in effect you just DID embarrass yourselves. Whether you know it or not. And you do know it deep down in your cold dead beating hearts. You know the name of your shame and how it got that name and why we call you that name. By winning in a totally uncalled for way. So the joke's on you, Mavericks. Your win is your loss. For shame. My Grizz will be back. I'm not worried about that. And when they beat YOU by a lot, then they'll have some class about it and just beat you by a little. You can COUNT on that. You can count on THAT by less than 10 POINTS! Keep your heads up, Grizzly players. You all are the REAL winners. And me. Because I just might be your biggest fans.

In closing, the Funnel Cake Award goes to ALL the Grizzly players that played tonight. You're all winners and I'd be honored to share a funnel cake with each and every one of you. That'd have to be a BIG funnel cake! However, for the MAvericks I made up a new award for you guys that I will hand out from time to time. It's to remember your heartless actions in the heat of battle. But you don't get something delicious like a funnel cake. Because this is a bad award. Instead you get the worst thing that I can imagine right now. It's something that turns my stomach and literally leaves a bad taste in my mouth. You get the Cat Boodle Award. And the stench is all over you ALL.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Friday Day Lights

I just wanted to get this up quick:

"GO GRIZZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1ONE1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

What's your pleasure, Superstar?

ONe of my internet friends asked me the other day after reading my blogging what the award was for player of the game. Boy, now that's just a real good question and it deserves an anwer. I flat out never even thought about what I could call it. He suggested a personal pan pizza, but you and I both know that pan pizza is a sin. And anyway, pizza should be shared with those you know and love.
No, the player of the game award should be named for something truly amazing. Soemthing that everyone knows means greatness. It should be synonomous with everything that's right in this great country. And I know just the thing. From here on out the player of the game award will be known as the Funnel Cake Award.

And if the winners of every Funnel Cake Award want to come to Branson after the season to collect, then that's just fine with me and my wife. We could all just head on over to Silver Dollar City, ride some super rides, play some neat games, and eat funnel cakes until the funnel cake stand worker cuts us off for having TOO MUCH FUN. It would probably be the most awesome day in all of our lives and we'd be best friends forever after that. We'd write each other letters and call each other when we were feelign down. And we'd ALWAYS cheer each other up. I bet that me and RUdy would eventually be the best friends out of ALL the Funnel Cake award winners. For sure. Me and my best friend Rudy. It has a nice ring to it.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Happy Days are here AGAIN!!

Boy, I can't believe I ever started to doubt my GRIZZ. It looked grim there for a while, but I never once lost faith in this team. They are too young and hungry to be kept down. Judging off of that performance against the Kings, I'd say they may not lose again. Point of fact, if I was a betting man, but I'm not. Because it's definitely wrong. I'm just going to chalk up the previous losses as cat boodles and assume there's smooth sailing on the horizon from here on out. Not only on the horizon, but right beside the BOAT! Cats hate water, though. David Hyde Pierce likes it when I blow dry him, though. Hahahah...I bet the Grizzlie team takes showers, though. I'm not trying to say they're dirty.

Player of the game against the Kings goes to the leading SCORER! GO GRIZZ! It's awesome to have you back!

Sunday, November 16, 2008

GRIZZ vs BUcks Recap!

Oh man, I just saw the box score for this just now. It's a bummer of an overtime loss. I don't understand how the GRizz can lose to a team like the Bucks that aren't really very good. It's frustrating. I'll be honest because that's always been my policy ever since I was a wee little kid. I thought the Grizzlies would go undefeated this year and now I'm thinking that won't happen. They've already lost SEVEN games! They can't POSSIBLY go undefeated now by my calculations. I'm starting to wonder if they're tanking games. I haven't seen them play so far this year on TV or in person but they're by far the best in the WEst on paper. It's not even close. This is very disturbing and it's affecting me in unfortunate ways.

Anyway, the game...I didn't see it because my wife gets carsick and also won't let me get a satellite TV. I checked the box score and added up all the points and the Grizzlies really did lose. The score was not mistaken. That sucks even more.

Hang in there Grizz fans.

Friday, November 14, 2008

Friday Target Practice

So i've decided to put together a series of posts over the next many weeks, listing some players the Grizz should be targeting to acquire. Yes, they truly are the greatest team ever, but there are always openings to be found. I'll put down all sorts of helpful information about the players that i can, and hopefully this information will be as useful to us all as it is to the Grizz.

Our first player of many is a catcher by the name of Jake Taylor. Some may say to me, "Ryan, we already have the NL Rookie of the year as our catcher, and we have his fire-armed guide. Do we really need a third one?"

the answer is of course yes.

Taylor brings something to the team. namely, his grinder abilities and his sweet sweet fundamentals. Not to mention his intangibles! Taylor has spent some time on various teams over the years, including the Indians and a few teams in the Mexican League. He scored the game winning RBI for the Indians a few years back, and my scouts tell me that he hasn't lost any of the abilities in his knees. His captainship skills are probably the most important thing to note, as he helped several young Indians players grow into the team they became last year.

However, its also helpful that Taylor has a relatively carefree and relaxed attitude about many things. First and foremost is the fact that even though the Idaho White Sox are one of the major's most racist teams, Taylor was able to keep his cool no matter what the fans yelled from the stands at him and his team. He also stopped several intrateam fights and other onfield brawls, countering many Grizz players and their intensity. Sometimes, we need someone filled with calm and collectedness, not the red hot fire that is Pedro Zammano.

This is not saying that Taylor can't bring his A-game when its needed, like in the recent match between him and the Yankee closer. Taylor called his shot like that great Grizz hero of old, Ernie Banks. (Though technically, Banks was just yelling at Joe Morgan for being an idiot). Taylor's suprise bunt confused the entire Yankee team and won the game for the Indians.

Taylor also has some managing skills that could be put to use should Lou "angry Bobby Cox" Piniella get ejected again.

Position: Catcher, Backup Manager
BA-R-HR-RBI-SB = .268-68-8-70-1 (proving anyone can steal on Jason Kendall)

Thursday, November 13, 2008

GRIZZ vs Knicks Recap

Hello, friends! I'm back with some GRIZZ analysis. David Hyde Pierce has stopped his anal leaking and the vet thinks we're in the clear. David Hyde Pierce is still pretty gassy, though. Cat boodles are the WORST! Oh well, at least I can concentrate on my GRIZZ! What's going to happen is that the morning after a Grizzlies game, I'll try to give you a quick recap of my thoughts on the game. I don't usually see any of their games on TV, though, so I'll probably just break down what I notice in the box score. I've been looking at box scores practically all my life and I know what's what in them. Without further ado! The KNIcks and GRIZZ game!

Crud. The grizzlies lost pretty bad. Looking at the box score, I'd have to say that Rudy Gay and Chandler were the best players on their respectable teams. They had the most points. I can't get too upset about the loss, though. The KNicks are ALWAYS good. I remember when Patrick Ewing played for them. They were good back then, too. We'll get them next time, though. GO GRIZZ!

Monday, November 10, 2008

Personal Update

People are starting to wonder why I'm not posting more this season. Last season there were updates after every game and such popular features as Trade of the Week, Look at THat Hustler, and MOrgan G.'s Thoughts on BAsketball in General. But, this year, there's been nary a peep from me. And people want to know why that is. Well the truth is that I'm going through some personal stuff right now. My cat, David Hyde Pierce, is pretty sick. You guys have heard me talk about David Hyde Pierce quite a bit. He's a big part of me and my wife's lives. You might say that he's the BIGGEST part in either of our lives. But the biggest part of my life is the GRIZZ. But David Hyde Pierce has some kind of stomach problem. He's very irritated and he won't eat anything besides tuna. He's very gassy and suffers from some anal leakage in the mornings. That's not a really great combination either because, the other morning when I was cleaning up some of the leakage, he boodled right in my face. WEll, the boodle must have blown some of that leakage off of his rear end and onto my bottom lip which I might have noticed if the smell of that boodle hadn't literally killed me. After that I went to work at the insurance office with my brother and he asked when I walked in what it was I had on my lip. He thought it was chocolate gravy or something. I said that I didn't know and I went into the bathroom and when I looked in the mirror then I knew EXACTLY what it was. I started to literally crack up laughing and I went out and told my brother about David Hyde Pierce boodling anal leakage on my bottom lip. WEll, my brother didn't think it was so funny and he looked at me like, well, like I had cat poop on my face. Which I did. Then he punched me in the privates, called me a name, and went out to take some pictures of houses. By the time I gathered my privates enough to get up, I had forgotten all about the cat poop on my lip. It could've happened to anyone. So it was still there when I went home for lunch and my wife saw it. Long story short, this was about a week ago, my cat's still sick and my wife still won't kiss me on the mouth. The GRizz look promising, though! GO GRIZZ! DO YOUR BEST AND HUSTLE!

Friday, November 7, 2008

Friday Day Lights

I have a half day of work from the car air freshener company, but I thought it my civic duty to update you guys on how I'm doing.
Today, I had a boner. It was early, but it was awesome.

The GRIZZ are not playing right now, so not much to update or reflect on. I do know, however, that they're trying to get a guy named Gary Peevish. He is good, young, handsome, and good. Dad said that if they got him, he and Unkie were going to do the no pants dance in celebration. They like dancing a lot.